How to control your emotions: Rules and exercises

 

If you can always control yourself and keep your composure, we can only be happy for you. But there are people who find it very difficult, and our new article is designed to help them master this useful skill in everyday life. The ability to restrain emotions (control anger, anger, aggression, etc.) is useful everywhere: from regular communication with family and friends to solving work issues and conducting business negotiations. Let's figure out how to learn this. Why be able to control emotions

Before answering the question of how to learn to control emotions and not be nervous, it's worth figuring out why it's necessary at all. The fact is that if a person is unable to keep his feelings in check, they begin to dominate him. As a result, his behavior can become destructive, cheeky, and even contrary to his own beliefs. A person becomes predisposed to extravagant and thoughtless decisions and actions, and such things as correctness, reasonableness, and attention to others lose their relevance for him. As a result, you can "mess up" and do a lot of things that you will regret later. In addition, dishonest people can take advantage of a person's emotionality: deceive them, force them into something, provoke them into something, play on their self-esteem, put pressure on feelings of guilt or pity, including self-pity. Emotions can be called that part of the human being that can at any moment take by surprise and, as if by a wave of an evil magic wand, destroy a person's entire life, plans, hopes and aspirations. If emotions are constantly changing (i.e., when a person is exposed first to one and then another emotional state), his communication with others becomes seriously difficult. Feelings engulfing a person's consciousness can easily unsettle him. As a result, he is "thrown" in different directions, and there is no balance and stability in life. Due to the fact that a person is constantly distracted by emotions, his perception of the world and life is dulled, he loses the very possibility of finding himself, a deep understanding of his needs, values and desires. An overly emotional life is a path with a bomb whose timer can go off at any moment. The inability to control emotions paralyzes the will and makes a person weak, even more dependent on circumstances. But in life it is necessary to be self-confident and capable of self-control. Only then will there be an opportunity to become a full-fledged owner of it and achieve unprecedented heights.

Which emotions require control

We all know that emotions can be positive and negative. And it would seem that if we could keep only the positive ones and "throw out" the negative ones, our lives could become much better. But this is just an appearance, because positive emotions can do us a disservice, for example, by trapping pleasure. It is necessary to control emotions that cause suffering and pain to a person and people close to him. These are the emotions that force you to do things that you don't like, that are bad. Simply put, we need to manage states and feelings that deprive us of freedom of choice. For example, if a person is very sociable, energetic and cheerful, he may not be lucky at work. This means that you need to keep your manifestations under control in places where such behavior is unacceptable. Otherwise, these positive emotions can lead to serious troubles and problems. But, of course, it is the negative states that are subject to the main control. They can be divided into three levels.: The ego. This is a hidden part of the human personality. Its manifestations may not always be recognized immediately, not only by others, but also by people themselves. Emotions arising from the ego include such as the joy of superiority over others, universal recognition, privilege, praise, and increased attention to one's person. This can also include a constant thirst for more (gain, wealth, etc.), envy, pride, self-love, selfishness, vanity, resentment, gloating, boasting, etc. The ego is the mainstay and the most powerful source of many emotional states.

Weaknesses. Another source of emotions that need to be controlled. Let's list the main emotions, feelings and qualities of this level: lack of self-control and weak willpower, weakness of character and laziness, longing, despondency and sadness, painful passivity and constant shyness, lack of independence, depression, thoughtlessness in decisions and actions, cowardice, anxiety, fear, dependence on other people. Any situation where we don't want to pull ourselves together, cope with difficulties, lower our heads, complain, etc. is a manifestation of our weakness. Thirst for sensations. A life without emotions and worries will become boring and impersonal, but they, like everything else, should be in moderation. What can be attributed to the thirst for emotions? These are lust and constant attraction to the opposite sex, gambling addiction, thirst for thrills and an increased need for adrenaline, bad habits, drug addiction, gluttony, etc. For many people, states and emotions of this particular level are the most painful – they cannot cope with them, and even if they want to stop striving for these pleasures, do it not able to. These three levels generate the lion's share of emotions that need to be learned to control. Think about whether they are familiar to you, whether there are times when you suffer from them, whether you want to cope with them. And if you answered positively, the following recommendations are specifically for you. Controlling emotions: the main rules

It's quite simple to understand how to learn to control emotions and not be nervous. Learning this skill is based on several rules. Stick to them, and after a little practice, you will notice that your feelings have gradually begun to give in to your intention to curb them. Detachment from what is happening

Many negative emotions arise in us when someone unreasonably takes out anger, resentment, or a bad mood on us. Such situations occur in everyday and family life, at work and in business, at school, etc. One of the main rules is to "fail" the emotional manifestations of other people, i.e. not to react to them, not to respond to people in the same way. When you are overwhelmed by a surge of negativity, try to distance yourself from what is happening, for example, by switching to other activities, leaving the scene, or thinking about something good. Autosuggestion

In a fit of indignation or anger, think about the fact that any life situation is an experience designed to make you a stronger person. Emotional outbursts strengthen the psyche and temper the character. Treat them that way. It can be difficult to change your attitude after getting used to it, so try to remember that you are doing this to become a more resilient person who is difficult to unsettle. In this way, you will begin to form an inner core, thanks to which you will be able to confidently go through life, achieve any goals and control yourself. A timely pause

Being in an excited emotional state, it's not enough to just tell yourself: "Okay, that's it, stop, we're controlling our emotions." One of the fundamentals of emotion management is the ability to "slow down" your psyche in time, to restrain the development of a particular emotion. To do this, it is necessary, as they say, to turn on the brain, think about what you want to do or say, and only then decide whether to do it or not. Thoughtful and balanced decisions are what have true value. Therefore, do not rush to tell the person everything that you think about him, or to be indignant about the unfortunate incident. Stop, take a few deep breaths and pull yourself together.

Breathing exercises

It's not for nothing that many auto-trainings and exercises for managing mental states begin with breathing. Breathing is the basis of everything; it promotes concentration, relaxation, calmness, and recovery. If you look at it from a physiological perspective, breathing saturates the blood and brain with oxygen, improving mental activity. And from a moral point of view, breathing gives you a little time to weigh everything and think about further actions. Therefore, breathing exercises (even one simple deep breath) contribute to the normalization of mental and physical condition.

"Filtering" the social circle

Emotions, especially negative ones, can be transmitted from one person to another at lightning speed. Try not to communicate with "negative people" and minimize the time spent in negative companies. If you suddenly feel that people are unfriendly towards you (and in general), it's better to interrupt communication, at least until the next time. Emotions are a type of energy with a positive or negative connotation. You should not absorb someone else's negative energy. On the contrary, strive to communicate with positive and cheerful people who radiate kindness. Communicating with them, you will get great pleasure and recharge with positive feelings. The ideal option is to choose or create a social circle consisting only of people who are positive about life. Spiritual development

In the daily hustle and bustle, do not forget that there is also an inner world that needs to be worked out. If you want to learn how to control negativity and restrain emotions, try to immerse yourself in spiritual development. This does not mean that you should immediately become a pious and religious person or go to a sect. Today, there are many interesting teachings and practices that help you find inner harmony, gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your purpose, and learn to live in harmony with yourself and the world around you. But at the same time, you can easily continue your normal life in the usual way.

Hobby Search

How to learn to control emotions and not be nervous is to find something to do that can be an outlet. Think about what you enjoyed doing as a child or what you would like to do in your free time now. Surely you will have more than one activity that you will be very happy to be distracted by. By choosing a hobby for yourself, you will get the opportunity to forget about worries and problems for a while, mentally relax, gain strength and raise your vitality. Interesting hobbies contribute to the development of self-control, and if you suddenly feel offended, annoyed, or uncomfortable, you can always turn to this "buffer" to sublimate emotions into a specific activity. Sports activities

Physical exercises are one of the most effective methods of developing self-control and inner strength (physical, of course, too). That's why it's so common to see people venting negativity by beating up a boxing bag, working out in the gym, or climbing the sheer walls of a climbing wall. If you realize that sometimes emotions haunt you and you simply have nowhere to put your excess energy, make a "knight's move" and get involved in sports. Physical relaxation will give you psychological stability and strength; you will begin to heal your body, filling it with a healthy spirit. If in doubt, take a look at athletes – most of them are cheerful, kind, positive, like to spend time with friends and family, enjoy studying, working or doing business. The result is obvious! In the worst case scenario (if you don't want to go to the gym or join a section), simplify your task: go jogging, exercise, push-ups or squats several times during the day. Proper nutrition

Food is a source of energy and strength for our body. But, firstly, you can not eat anything, and secondly, you need to understand that each organism is different, and also perceives food in its own way. Strangely enough, our inner state and many abilities, including the ability to control emotions, also depend on how we eat and what we eat. For example, if we eat late at night, it is very difficult for us to fall asleep, because the body is busy processing food. And we don't feel like eating in the morning. As a result, we start the day sleepy and exhausted, and this directly affects our condition, decision-making, and degree of self-control. There are many more examples, but they will all lead us to the same conclusion – you need to eat right and eat healthy food. Then there will be self-confidence, a good mood, and energy to manage emotions. Oh, and don't forget about healthy sleep – it's also very important. Giving up bad habits

Even when it seems to us that we have good control over emotions, we may not notice a lot. Especially if we have bad habits. Moreover, we are talking here not only about smoking and alcohol abuse, but also about such things as negative thinking – in fact, this is also a habit, as well as emotionality. Just like some people can't concentrate and think until they smoke a cigarette, others can't relax until they drink, and others can't experience an event until they react emotionally to it. All this leads to one result – addiction, loss of self-control, outburst of negativity, distraction, lack of control. But you yourself understand perfectly well that the less dependent a person is on something, the more free he is in life – in thoughts, reactions, deeds, actions. So another recommendation is to think about whether you have bad habits and addictions that really interfere with your life. And if they are, start getting rid of them a little bit. Start with something small, and then move on to more serious things. Be sure that this will help you learn self-control and self-control.

These rules should not just lead you to the right thoughts, but become a real guide that will show you how to learn to control emotions and not be nervous, stop worrying and "twitching". Become aware of them, feel them, write down their names on a piece of paper and look at them early in the morning, during the day and before going to bed, so as not to forget to stick to them. And to make it easier to practice managing emotions, we offer several useful exercises.

Controlling emotions: exercises

The exercises below can be performed at any time when it is necessary to control emotions, i.e. in real time. Traditionally, they are suitable for negative emotions, but for variety and skill improvement, you can practice them while experiencing positive emotions. We will offer four exercises in total.: The first exercise is to replace any negative emotions with positive ones, for example, anger and anger with joy and laughter. For example, you're arguing with a person, and the atmosphere is getting hotter. At the moment of climax, when emotions are rushing out, tell the person something that he does not expect to hear at all. For example, you can say to a loved one: "You are so dear to me" or "I love you." If it's a friend, say, "You're the best friend in the world!" Answer the boss: "You are a very cool teacher." But make sure it doesn't look like a mockery. By doing everything right, you will instantly extinguish emotions – both your own and your interlocutor's.

The second exercise is a variation of the first, but it is designed more to change your own state. The moment you realize that you are unable to contain negative emotions and a corresponding reaction is about to follow, transform it into the exact opposite. If something annoying and very unpleasant has happened, and you want to "burst into thunder," make an effort and smile, laugh, and jump for joy. Think about what good you can get out of the situation, and start enjoying it like a child. Do the same with other negative emotions.

The third exercise is keeping a diary. It may seem unusual, but it helps a lot to restrain emotions and control anger. Buy a notebook and make a "diary of emotions" out of it. Whenever you feel like you're getting angry, sad, feeling guilty, or offended, sit down in a chair or at a desk and start writing. But write not what bothers you, but on the contrary – all the good things that happened during the day, what is in your life, what you are happy about. Switch from negative to positive. You will start thinking in a different direction, and your mood will begin to change. Save your notes, and in the moments of the next negative experiences, make new ones and reread the old ones. As a result, your "emotion diary" will be filled with a lot of pleasant impressions and memories that will help you control your emotions better and better.

The fourth exercise allows you to neutralize negative emotions or at least minimize their manifestation and impact on the psyche. It's similar to the previous one, but if you wrote down all the good things in your diary back then, now you're putting everything that worries you on paper. You don't need a diary for this – you just take paper and a pen and write everything that is "boiling over". After expressing all your thoughts, take this piece of paper and burn it, imagining that all negative emotions turn to ashes. You can also use another variation: divide the sheet into two parts, where the first will contain bad emotions, and the second will contain the opposite good ones. Then cut the sheet, burn the "bad" half, and keep the "good" half for yourself and reread it several times, focusing on the positive. This exercise will help you to bear bad events more easily, to restrain emotions, to bear anger. We hope that our article, even if it did not open your eyes to the importance and features of emotion management, but replenished your knowledge and gave food for thought. The only other thing we can advise is to try to accept with all your being the idea that you are able to become the master of your feelings and emotions, stop being their slave and go along with them. We wish you to always believe in yourself and, looking in the mirror, see a successful, joyful and contented person in your reflection. And finally, a few more tips from psychologists. Good luck!